I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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