my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
