did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
