We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
