Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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