This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
