DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
