i think i have two assholes
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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