I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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