I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
