new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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