They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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