Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
