Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My cat gives me a boner
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
