Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
