is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
