i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
