sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
