I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize