Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
