I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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