Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
