matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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