I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
