Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
