just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize