Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
