we're blogging at a bar
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
