know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
