I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
