Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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