chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
