For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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