i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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