Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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