I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
