No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
