i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you would pick up someone in the library
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
