I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
