using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
please don't ironically join a cult
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