she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize