so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
