Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
