So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
