true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize