The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
