Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
