hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
