I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
