my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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