My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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