Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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