We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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