Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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