What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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