so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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