Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
