He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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