i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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