...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
