What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
