Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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