Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
