Buhtt sex?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
