What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
