What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
