I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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