it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
