I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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