I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
