I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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