I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
