Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
